Imagine

 

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself.
A woman who listens to her needs and desires.
Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the past’s influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

 

I try to live like this,

Butterfly

Why?

I am repeatedly ask by people why did you wait so long to transition,I have ask myself the same question a thousand times,I can only guess that like most people like me I thought that if I practiced “immersion therapy” I could cure what seemed to be wrong in my life.I like most trans women of my age group thought that by immersing myself in in the hyper-masculine world I  would be somehow magically cured that it would rub off on my psyche and cure the fact that in reality I was a woman,But with little support and few coping skills the whole sharad only proved to be a complete failure and things just continually got worse all my life not better or less confusing but more and more the focus of my everyday thoughts.It wasn’t until around 17 years ago when I met my last wife and shared from the beginning who I was with her and she in turn was not only supportive but with her love and everyday help I began to feel emboldened and the fog I lived under began to clear I saw a more clear path to  the person I needed to become to finally have some sense of peace in my life and really begin to grow again.

This question of why is not easily answered even with my limited knowledge of who I really am I’m a work in progress and likely will be for the rest of my life,I think that is really true for all people not just those of us with gender Identity issues.Even still though the disconnect between one’s spirit and body leaves you feeling isolated,depressed and alone at best  but as you traverse this vast uncharted area that lays before you you do pick up new skills and learn as you go, that the journey to join your spirit and body is worth whatever hardships befall you.

I’m sure that for many who have never had to struggle with  identity issues  it is hard to understand WHY indeed we do this late in life, I guess my best answer is to free a soul incarcerated for years in a tomb of confusion.

Still finding your own freedom in life comes with very painful decisions about the lives you affect with your choice,only the very bravest of us ever escape the fear of hurting people we love with our quest to be whole people.

The WHY becomes more clear when you engage with us on an ongoing basis can I give a short answer that clears the air immediately no but I can live among you and answer with my life.

Butterfly

Defined

 

This is wonderful

 

http://noshoes-noworries.tumblr.com/post/57518958760

 

Butterfly

Shared Feeling

 

It sometimes takes longer than we expect but flower smells so sweet.

Butterfly

Our History

 

I encourage you all to read this great article about transgender history,we are all an ongoing part of it.

http://books.google.com/books?id=kEfZ1knAguMC&pg=PT51&lpg=PT51&dq=Cercle+Hermaphroditos&source=bl&ots=Rp7hMcAyz3&sig=K8rpo7sP-JInUVucixz33CV1oaY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=tqswUv2uBIep2gXXpYD4Cg&ved=0CFkQ6AEwCQ#v=onepage&q=Cercle%20Hermaphroditos&f=false

 

Okay say that Again it sounded like something I always wanted to hear.

 

Today  I stopped by the Doctors office to make an appointment as I have been having some problems for a couple of weeks.

When I explained what was wrong she sent me to the hospital to get blood work and urine sample. I left her office and I went straight away as I have been a little worried because some of my symptoms reminded me of what was going on before my bout with cancer.

I went through registration which took a little while as I had to update my medical info after my name change and my medicare and insurance now have my new name and list me as female now.

Soon I was before the phlebotomist and she proceeded to draw three vials of blood (kudos) to her she’s the best I’ve had in sometime. then came time for the urine test,as she gave me my instructions I listened attentively as she said there are three moist towelettes in here and the sample bottle use the towelettes to wipe front to back start your stream and the put the bottle under it. Little did she realize I have no front to back yet and may never, but it was music to my girly senses.

I hope I hear this repeated to me for many  years to come it really put a smile on my face.

 

Stand by for weekend posts, I’m stocked up for more fun stuff.

 

Butterfly