Tales of a summer in a hopefull heart

I know that some of you are frothing at the mouth ,wondering what happened after I left myself open in my letter to my cousin about the Family reunion.

I can assure everyone that the results were beyond anything I could ever have imagined.A little background might add some perspective to all of this,first I come from a very conservative Christian family from the bible belt in Indiana.Surely I’m the first to have suffered the wrath of being a Transgender in my family.”Being what I “am never changed  who I always was I still have my families Christian beliefs and my rugged frontier attitude in tact.All my life I struggled with how I could make the person inside of me match the person everyone else saw on the outside.

Firstly I know who I am and have always known,I was a girl,now however I have grown into a “Woman” yes I said woman and that is what I am and will be.

I had lots of help getting to where I  am today,and one of those people stands still behind me through thick and thin always at my side a wonderful man I met on a social site a few years ago I won’t have to say who he is he knows without my naming him.

Some time ago when I first began this project I began to have,some very loving and supportive followers, they all know who they are so no need to mention.I know their sincerity is real.

Along the way one of my favorite girl cousins discovered who I really was and encouraged me to out myself,inspite of the terror I felt in doing so, I followed her advice and came out to my immediate family,all went well and to my surprise I never lost the love of even one of them.In reality I gained new found love I never could have imagined.

Well as I still struggled to resolve who and what I was I made a decision that without the support and love of the people I loved and grew up with none of epiphanies that I made in life really had a basis in the reality. Ergo I made the decision to move on the invitation to my Family reunion by penning a letter to one of my closet of cousins,you all know how that turned out.

Well came that day when I would stand and face any and all who attended the reunion this year,I baked a huge Lasagna and headed out with my sister “Debra” trembling all the way not knowing what to expect.

Upon our arrival I went in and placed my dish next to all the others found the two musketeers,and proceeded to give them huge hugzz from the now Musketshe.

 Most of the crowd was already there when we arrived,as I looked around the room I saw so many that I loved and wondered how this might all turn out.

Before things got started my dear cousin Donny who I reached out to in my letter ask if I would like him to read the letter to al who were present I agreed that it should be done and he called to everyone please this is important and he then struggled through his tears to read it in front of everyone,I can’t really remember a more emotional set of moments that have ever taken place in my life as this all played out,my aunt Emmy who was my mothers next oldest sister spoke out and said who is this person and I raised my hand,she looked long and hard at me and asked who was I?I said I am your sister Pat’s oldest child,of course this gave away immediately who I was.While I felt the eyes upon me I didn’t feel any pain from it at all I suddenly realized that no more could who I was be hurtful to myself or anyone else it was now in the open and the responses  would come as they would, the first to come to me with a hug was one I would never would have expected It was my Cousin we all called “Cotton” he hugged me very tight and said I love you and I’m proud of you,sadly 4 days later he passed away and on July 21st I attended his funeral I am truly blessed to have received his hug and his love ,had I not chosen to attend this year I would have missed it,how truly sad that would have been,he was very close to my mother and now they are surely playing Euchre in heaven.

As I made my rounds that day not a single person had anything but positive words for me,without knowing it everyone of them that day changed my life forever,I went to the reunion a transgendered person and I left knowing I was the woman I always sought to be.I could finally relax and start a new life and be a member of the group I always belonged in.Soon I found myself being invited to events I had been previously missing,ie my cousin Jon’s birthday party.

 His Image here

cousin Jon's birthday

cousin Jon’s birthday

 Further I have now been Invited to my first ever baby shower,Wow never dreamed that one up.

I just feel like one of the girls now,and that was always my dream,I rarely even think of who I used to be I’m just busy being Shelle or Shell to most people,I live out my dream everyday. No matter where I go  everyone just say’s can I help you Mam,20090812_17 and now all the women in my family treat me like one of them,as we say here in the midwest I’m as happy as a pig in shit,and that’s the truth of it.

This person mentioned early on in the post holds my heart and will know who he is,don’t think I ever would have made it without him.u586812528-o398092611-54This lady has been my inspiration ,hope I can be as good a gal as she is,I’ll certainly try my very best.

Also hugzz and Kudo’s to this beautiful lady who always has inspired meyuzpd  I’m so lucky to have had the best of the best in my life and I will be eternally grateful for how I have been blessed in my journey it’s just now starting to  truly transition to what I hoped all along it would be now it’s LIFE not a dream I am WOMAN.

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Summers end

1383118_10153385058355475_870397557_n  So summer comes to a close here on the plains,and Oh my what a wonderful one it has been .

I finally found my footing and grabbed all the bounty I could have ever desired,so much to say so much to share,Stay tuned as I turn the pages of my life over to you all.

 

Butterfly