Regret

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I try very hard to avoid issues that are very politically charged but this is one that has affected me personally and left scars on my life that will never go away.It happened not just to me but also to the mother of my son,God bless her for who she is.A part of my heart will always reside with her’s.This life story begins around 40 years ago,we were around ten months married and were just blessed with a son,not something we planned but something thrust on our lives,we had just married and on our first night together she conceived our son to be, most believed that this wasn’t true but we both know it’s very true, we were doubted by some as being not married when this happened I assure you we were she is a woman of great virtue and I stand up for that now just as always.

It was the early seventies and we were in the throes of  the times a young hippy couple  recently displaced from our home in the midwest to the ever so liberal place of our dreams, California everyone’s dream destination at the time, we were a true sign of the times dreamers looking for our dream and it seemed we had  it in our grasp at that moment.dennis-hopper-easy-rider-bird flip

We had recently left San Francisco and taken up residence in Ventura,circumstances left us living in a house on the side of a mountain it was a magical place beautiful and a place where our son would learn to crawl and eventually walk,it seemed at the time as parents we were also learning to walk.We had this image of Dennis Hopper hanging over my sons crib with an inscription below saying (Who says you can’t buy salvation )It made for a very funny encounter with some Jehovah’s Witness people who came to our door while our son was still very tiny,they ask to see the new-born and when they did they saw this and made a hasty retreat from our residence.

Back now to the substance of my life’s discomfort in all this,knowing that we could easily conceived and that our financial position at the time was at best shaky we took what we thought were the safest of all precautions ,my dear bride subjected herself to the use of a device called an IUD this proved to have terrible results for us, as we got pregnant again almost before we knew what was happening to us, our close friends at the time steered us to planned parenthood where we sought help with our new dilemma,we found that the device had grown into her female parts and was causing great harm to her and it would need to be removed ,but along with this we were coached by our friends and planned parenthood to make a decision that would leave us both with a pain that would never leave either of us,We opted to have our child aborted and for me to have a vasectomy so that she wouldn’t have anymore bad results with birth control  methods that might be harmful to her.I know it was a traumatic experience for her,and  hope she realizes it was for me as well,we were told it was probably a girl child something as a father at the time I would have loved to have in my life.And now there was little if any chance that I could ever have this chance again.I know we both hurt inside after our decision and we spoke of it never going forward but I know it lived on inside of us both.

 Now as my life wanes and I have become a woman myself I think I understand better the hurt she must have endured,not that it didn’t cause me much pain as well but I had a far different understanding of women’s issues  back then.I have come  over the years to be revolted by the number of human lives that are ended by planned parenthood they didn’t ever offer us planned parenthood they offered us the death of our child and never even once counseled us toward keeping the precious life we had made together. Now at this time of my life I can only hope to find a mate and hopefully have the chance to be a mother before I leave this earthly place,I was promised this in a relationship I had recently and it hurt me deeply that it was all just a lie.

Planned parenthood performs around 300,000 abortions a year all in the far left view that women should have autonomy over their bodies,is it really that or is it planned murder. They seem squeamish when it comes to executing life when it comes to the death penalty claiming it’s cruel and usual punishment,but it’s okay to target and kill by drone anytime at will,this selective vision of murder is very troubling to me, life is precious and yet the ones who are most for ending it are already born.

Butterfly

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2 thoughts on “Regret

  1. My heart goes out to you Shelle and i am with you all the way on the abortion issue. Stories such as your experience should be made more widely known!

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