Soap box Shelle

soapbox_webOften I get inspired to speak out about issues that touch my life differently than others this is one of those times. Before I get real wound up I first want to say that no matter who we are what gender ,race, ethnicity or any other difference we all know that “THEY” and we all know who “THEY” are but never tell, have really screwed things up for “US”.

Firstly I wish to go on about an issue I have touched on before that being, LGBT  while the LGB persons have made great strides this past year toward equal rights and have gained the right to marry in many more states,the advances for “T” not so much. I know I’ll get grief for this but I don’t really like being grouped in with the LGB persons because our civil rights issues are vastly different from theirs. First off their group is very easy to join all you have to do is profess that you are one of them and bingo you are automatically embraced by the whole group.They are militant in nature but have permeated nearly every corner of our society these days and so their agenda is moving quickly into the mainstream of society hardly a soul  anymore blinks an eye at being any one of the LGB community.Joining my group the “T’s” is a much different matter however,first off you get grouped in with,Transvestite’s.Transexual’s,Crossdresser’s,Shemales and on and on you know the umbrella I myself belong only to one under this grouping Transgender.I have great disdain for some under my “Umbrella” and feel that a lot of them are an anchor stopping my civil rights from moving forward at a faster pace because some of them bring shame and degradation to who I am and further promote a bad image of my circumstance in life.First to officially join my group you must submit yourself to a therapist and be diagnosed and so marked by society rule before you can actually be “TREATED” for your disorder why isn’t my professing who I am enough just like the LGB people? And then the other differences begin to surface I can be jailed for using the bathroom of the gender I express,and God forbid if you go to jail you get to go in with the opposite gender that you express,I think you can see the problems we face that will never come up for  people in the LGB group this group however doesn’t have a disorder like me, how does all this promote any safety or happiness in my life I submit it doesn’t it just tramples further on my right to be human and live as who I am.

And then there are the sexuality issues something even I hadn’t really come to grips with before coming out and beginning HRT,It was one of the first questions my son ask me when I came out to him and at the time I had no answer I didn’t know I was too engulfed in transition to even give it any thought.I feel like Pre-Shelle used relationships with women to avoid having to deal with issues about my sexuality and it gave me a free pass to fit in without being detected as who I was.I think looking back I was very wrong and caused damage to a couple of very fine ladies in my life by attempting to hide my true self from them out of fear,I will likely beat myself up for this weakness of character for a long time.At any rate as time and Hormone therapy began it’s major changes in my noggin I began contemplating just what was my sexual orientation? I concluded that since I 100% identify as a women at least between the ears where true gender exists and that my deepest wish was to live as close to a normal cisgendered woman’s life as I could and that I really wanted a man in my life. I think to my son that meant I was gay,I disagree I think I just seek what seems to be the natural order of life for me I have little to no experience with men so I can’t make a full judgement as yet but I am on a quest to have one of my own someday. There in lays new issues that are far different than that of the LGB clan and the cisgendered people it takes a very special type of man to overlook what I am and have a normal relationship with me I have scoured the land seeking this in my new life but to little avail thus far it’s akin to having lighting strike you three times in the same spot in ten minutes time,sure there are willing participants for sex but this is not the only thing I seek I want a connection of the heart to go with the carnal pleasure.Well wish me luck peeps. Stepping down from the box for now.

Butterfly

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9 thoughts on “Soap box Shelle

  1. Pingback: Soap box Shelle | Roxie Fox's Blog

  2. i totally understand your frustration and hope you don’t get too much grief. personally, i am across dresser and have no desire or feelings as do those like you who are Transgender. i respect and wish all the best for everyone and especially you and your sisters and brothers who identify as Transgender.

    • While I respect everyones choice in life to do as they please,you must understand that being grouped with persons like yourself does hinder the advancement of my rights as a human being and this is why I so dislike being put under an umbrella with persons like you.crossdressers transvestites transexuals,and shemales who are vastly part of the porn trade should be classified in their own group and not be associated with those of us who are truly diagnosed as transgenders,the odds are stacked badly against us as it is, and for the psychiatric community to group you all in with us is just wrong and needs to be changed.

  3. Hopefully there is enough room for me to join you on your “soapbox”.
    I think we “T’s” will and are earning our place where the “G’s” and “L’s” have been for years.

    In many ways we are victims of our own “club”. Specifically in our life Shelle, we were really hurt by the trans women who transitioned and went stealth, the world had no positive trans role models because transitioners went from one closet to another. Everyone is fond of saying “it was a different world then” it was indeed but the gays and lesbians were able to break out. I too was in the closet though and can blame myself.

    During the vacuum of very few trans role models, what many managed to see of what they THOUGHT was our community were the drag queens and the ***fetish cross dressers. Recently I think, that is going away, even in the toughest community of all…cis gay males. Even they are starting to realize, I am different.

    So, the world is getting better and the younger generation of transgender women and men are about ready to turn it over in more ways than we ever imagined. Perhaps you have read the stories of groups on certain college campuses who are rejecting even the idea of surgery as a gender correction in lieu of living a life as how they feel – between the ears. Wow. How would that affect the old surgery = rank idea in the trans culture?

    As far as the sexuality part of your post went, your linking of a man with a “normal cisgendered woman’s life” wouldn’t play well with my lesbian friends. They consider themselves “normal” but recoil at the suggestion of needing a man to fulfill their life. But to each their own.

    As we know a man’s sexuality does define him and a lesbian holds a bit of unique power when a man knows there is no sexual desire on her part. I carry it a step further as a trans lesbian, I could give a rat’s behind less what a guy thinks of me. You however, are embarking on a very tough road, pursuing men, but if you don’t try you will never get there!

    ***You notice I said “Fetish Cross Dressers” the ones with the tasteless trashy pix you see all over the place. NOT cross dressers in general!

  4. I have no notion of needing a man to fulfill my life it is just a personal preference to me as far as a life partner goes and a lifelong dream. and I do resent being placed under the umbrella with people who are not or never will be transgenders. The Psychiatric community,needs to place these individuals in a class of their own and not make the assumption that this is in any way related to being transgendered.As long as there are people in power like Gov. Chris Christie who vetoes bills that would allow us the dignity of changing our names and gender markers and living as who we are,we have a long road to travel to reach equality with the rest of society.

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