Several days ago while reading a post on one of the blogs I really enjoy,another Trans-Lady set me to thinking,She eluded in her post about becoming a part of the Cis gendered world of women and her difficulty breaking into that realm. I began to examine my own issues on this subject and found that I’m really lacking this in my life,I have gone on now so focused on changing myself to a woman and yet I have for the most part boxed myself into identifying as mostly a transgendered girl. Somehow not noticing all along that my real objective was to be a “woman”. I took a hard look into my soul and found it very lacking in this.
Of course I have the women in my family who treat me no different than themselves and I feel most included by,but what about outside my family what are my connections to the world of womanhood,I guess outside of my late wife,who was really more than a marital partner she was my best girl friend and she looked at me the same I’m sure.In the time since her death I have really haven’t had much in the way of a girl friend than someone I met online, it was for me a wonderful friendship but alas when we met on a personal basis it just didn’t work out as we would have liked I guess. While I still think of her often and think of her in dear terms it just didn’t’ work.
I met a nice woman on new years eve last year and brought in the new year with her,we exchanged information and said we would get together for coffee at a later date but it never really happened as I guess we never pushed the issue forward,perhaps I will try again to make contact with her. I really think it would be a good starting place for me to develop a friendship with a woman and become girlfriends I know surely I would learn a lot of things I am missing about womanhood,and I think it would not only enhance my life but add a lot more depth to who I want to be.
As my friend in her blog entry kind of said though, we as trans persons really do have obstacles in our way when it comes to being accepted into their fraternity,ie, when they find out who and what you are they seem to want little to do with you and this only leads me to the realization that I might never fit into the world I have so desperately wanted to be a part of all my life,How then does one’s psyche process the fact that you might never fit into the world you belong in,only because of birth circumstance. I think this must truly be something most of us as trans women are faced with in life,how indeed will we ever reach acceptance into this very private club,when we are indeed discriminated against merely because of our birth circumstance? We are really faced with what seems insurmountable obstacles in our path to being what we would consider being “real women”.
Please offer thoughts on how we break down these barriers as a group and reach a comfortable spot in life with the Cis-gendered among us.