Cis-Gender Connection


Several days ago while reading a post on one of the blogs I really enjoy,another Trans-Lady set me to thinking,She eluded in her post about becoming a part of the Cis gendered world of women and her difficulty breaking into that realm. I began to examine my own issues on this subject and found that I’m really lacking this in my life,I have gone on now so focused on changing myself to a woman and yet I have for the most part boxed myself into identifying as mostly a transgendered girl. Somehow not noticing all along that my real objective was to be a “woman”. I took a hard look into my soul and found it very lacking in this.

Of course I have the women in my family who treat me no different than themselves and I feel most included by,but what about outside my family what are my connections to the world of womanhood,I guess outside of my late wife,who was really more than a marital partner she was my best girl friend and she looked at me the same I’m sure.In the time since her death I have really haven’t had much in the way of a girl friend than someone I met online, it was for me a wonderful friendship but alas when we met on a personal basis it just didn’t work out as we would have liked I guess. While I still think of her often  and think of her in dear terms it just didn’t’ work.

I met a nice woman on new years eve last year and brought in the new year with her,we exchanged information and said we would get together for coffee at a later date but it never really happened as I guess we never pushed the issue forward,perhaps I will try again to make contact with her. I really think it would be a good starting place for me to develop a friendship with a woman and become girlfriends I know surely I would learn a lot of things I am missing about womanhood,and I think it would not only enhance my life but add a lot more depth to who I want to be.

As my friend in her blog entry kind of said though, we as trans persons really do have obstacles in our way when it comes to being accepted into their fraternity,ie, when they find out who and what you are they seem to want little to do with you and this only leads me to the realization that I might never fit into the world I have so desperately wanted to be a part of all my life,How then does one’s psyche  process the fact that you might never fit into the world you belong in,only because of birth circumstance. I think this must truly be something most of us as trans women are faced with in life,how indeed will we ever reach acceptance into this very private club,when we are indeed discriminated against merely because of our birth circumstance? We are really faced with what seems insurmountable obstacles in our path to being what we would consider being “real women”.

Please offer thoughts on how we break down these barriers as a group and reach a comfortable spot in life with the Cis-gendered among us.




4 thoughts on “Cis-Gender Connection

  1. ok, my friend, my turn on the soap box! 🙂

    be careful what you think because often we come to believe our thoughts. our thoughts determine our perceptions and sometimes we live our life believing (& therefore in accordance with) things that are not at all true – except in our own minds. i’m saying “like attracts like.” our brains will always supply us with evidence of what we believe to be true so if you really believe there is a ‘private club’ and ‘insurmountable obstacles’, you will be provided with evidence often.

    when you KNOW something, you will find life circumstances proving it to you over & over again. what if you just went out as the wonderful, smart, loving, beautiful woman that you are, to meet some nice people; potential friends. . . but before you went out, you reminded yourself that right now, at this moment, you are just yourself – a wonderful, smart, loving, beautiful woman – not a woman who used to be other than you are in the present moment? in the absence of perceived obstacles, you may find fewer. there is no need to share anything about your past when you are just being present with your wonderful self. and i’m not in any way suggesting that you hide anything, i’m just saying be as you are now.

    so you don’t think i’m not empathetic or not understanding what you are experiencing, i’ll give you a personal example. when i was young, i used to be fat. i hated being fat – hated it with all my heart! at some point, i decided to change that and not only lost weight, but went back to school for fitness & lifestyle & weight management. then i opened my own personal training company and was a pretty great example of a fit, muscular body. when i met my clients, it never occurred to me to mention that i was once fat because i was no longer that person. they never thought to ask if i was once fat. i got to know my clients and became friends with many of them. after we were friends if the topic of weight came up, which it did often, as many of them were trying to lose weight, i would empathize with them for sure. i told some people i used to be fat but never ever lead with those words, not because i was trying to hide it, but because that’s not how i identified anymore.

    go out & give it a try. just remember to be present with your wonderful self and meet people. once they know you, i suspect that they want to get to know better & be your friend. should the topic of transgender arise, be truthful. i can tell you that i have lots of friends and the subject of me once being fat rarely comes up, and if it does, it does. i am guessing you’ll find although there are idiots everywhere, most people are innately good and will be proud to have you as their friend. i am.

  2. I have to agree with Zen – why carry the old baggage around with you – let people take you on face value. They would never even guess or even wonder if you were once male, they will accept you for what they perceive you to be – a woman like them.

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