Inside looking out

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This is  a big week  for me,one I have looked forward to but one I now seem to reflect very heavily on.On Thursday I will go before the Magistrate and give up permanently  my given birth name,and take on the name of the woman I have worked so hard to become.

And yet I sit here reflecting on whether I could have ever done this while my parents were living or would my fear of hurting them by this action have held me in the long limbo that was most of my life.It has never been in my nature to be hurtful to others if I could get out of it I would I hate the discomfort it brings to my heart.I’m sure even still that this move in my life will be viewed by some as a death of sorts but also a rebirth and for me the biggest gift I’ve ever given myself. Now after long embarrassing years I will be able to hand my ID and documents to someone and not wait for them to look at it and then look back at me with the WTF look,I hate that it’s completely embarrassing ,especially in today’s post- constitutional era where just boarding a form of public transportation can be trauma.

I now will have to face for the last time the hating eyes looking back at me as I bring forth the legal documents that Prove once and for all that I’m truly who I am Shelle Marie ,not that someone on my old ID that looks nothing like me and never will again. This is an irreversible move that will forever define the rest of my days,on this planet,I’m going to a new place a place where dreams really come true somewhere over the rainbow, My ruby slippers dawned I click my heals and away I fly on the new adventures of Shelle,finally that other person is gone from my life I know for some it will die very slowly,but when they can’t find that soul anymore after years it will cease to exist just as it has for me.

No simple process has this been,I had to post in three different weeks in the local news paper my intentions to be Shelle, now it’s the Social security,BMV,My birth certificate,and on and on till all is changed and all the fee’s paid.

Back as the week progresses,

Butterfly

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3 thoughts on “Inside looking out

  1. congratulations, shelle marie! (almost 🙂 )
    the “person” is gone, but the soul remains untouched – your soul (and everyone’s soul) is nothing but pure unchanging love – and you have just honored your soul by giving it the love it always deserves – yay, shelle!!!

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