It seems you can never escape hatred from the past.

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In gradual sequence I outed myself to my family,when it came to my son,I ask that he not share with his mother my situation as I know that such gossip could never remain long on her drunken Irish lips, yet he went against my wishes and made my life situation available to her. Since there have been a series of incidents that have proved I was right to not want her to be informed of my life.

She assured my son that she would let me inform my family on my terms,and not interfere  in my ability to do so.

We have been divorced over thirty years and she shouldn’t really be injected into any part of my life at this point in time,I have tried since I returned to my hometown After 28 years to have a cordial but standoffish relationship with her only not to disturb my Son’s peace.While struggling recently with whether I should attend the family reunion on my mother’s side of the family, I made the decision to not attend as this is their party and I feel it is wrong of me to crash their party and create a scene just to satiate my own needs.My real plan was to contact certain ones and arm them with my information and let it be assimilated into the family in hopes that those who cared would contact me further to try to understand my life.

Well so much for that,my son’s mother could not wait to reveal her gossip and outed me to one of them while drinking at a bar they both frequent.Now any further info by me will be tainted by her version of the events.

When you cross the lonely dessert it is nice to know that someone is ahead of you poisoning the wells in hopes you never complete the journey.

There was a time in my life when her actions would likely have driven me to violent behavior,but no more I understand that she is the deficient one not me and that her behavior is a defect in her personality and not in mine.

While it would have been nice to out myself on my own terms I can now only deal with whatever collateral damage she has created ahead of me, I’m am really prepared I guess because I knew from page 1 I would lose some of my family and gain with others. So it has been thus far and so it shall continue I expect.

Butterly

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2 thoughts on “It seems you can never escape hatred from the past.

  1. Irish or not…it sounds as if her “feminine ego” was bruised by your transition. Genetic women are very capable of being bitter and combative over “losing” a man in their life to something they have have no control over.
    Especially in a smaller conservative town where second chances are rare,
    You are a smarter woman than her to not play her game!
    Sounds like you may have to widen your horizons and to hell with her!!!!

  2. There is always someone out there prepared to make life difficult for us and their actions are usually driven out of some misguided sense of revenge for something they perceive we did to them. i guess it is our lot in life to have to deal with such difficulties but then again, others, non transgender people, also have their enemies. So, we just have to accept the difficulties and get on with life as we want to live it and, you are quite correct Shelle – forewarned is forearmed and at least when you come to face the family members, those who are prepared to listen to your story are probably the ones who would have listened and understood where you are coming from in the first place. In that way, you probably have not lost anything but may have gained some sympathetic ears.

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