Looking both ways

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Looking back and ahead at what I have accomplished since I decided to transition and leave behind the man I never was to be girl I always was sets me to thinking about how much was involved in the process.

It was filled with years of denial and experiences,that I wish now I had never had. But importantly it was journey I had to take in life to preserve what little sanity I had left,as I began it I was filled with almost every form of fear that could be dreamed up by anyone,and when I stepped off that cliff and began the process it didn’t take long for me to realize that in reality I had been preparing for this all my life, and so much of it just fell into place in a very natural way. As I moved forward in the earliest parts of my transition I found that the sheer relief of finally liberating myself from the person I wasn’t born to be brought such peace to me and that each was a happier one than the day before,certainly transitioning is not a cure-all for everything that was wrong in my life but it offered me the solace to begin dealing with all my considerable baggage that I had packed in the long trip through life,now those things just began to fall away as  the new me began to evolve and they didn’t hold me back anymore. I found early on that to build confidence in yourself meant you had to be and feel authentic,without this authenticity it just feels like you are living in the third person. While all my problems in life are not suddenly solved at least the problem of  my gender dysphoria is way better as this has permeated almost every aspect of my life the relief from it is most welcome. Finally being one whole person has much improved my outlook on life.

I have also learned that this is a transformative time for transgender people so it’s important to be out and let people interact with you because the world needs to know about us,we are not as big a piece of society as the gay,lesbian community,and still not a lot is known about us and what we are. So it’s important for us to gain our confidence and be ambassadors for our group in the world.

It’s important to listen to your inner voice and act on it ,I made every excuse in the world why I shouldn’t do this and why I didn’t deserve it ,but I do deserve happiness in life,you can’t be authentic and hide who you really are it just doesn’t work and never will.Be real and love yourself  it works, and life becomes easier as time goes on and know that  the world needs us.

 

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