The dilemma


I have a dilemma  I would surely like some feedback from some of you other pre-op trans women out there many of you I have met  actually most of you I have met prefer to continue or still have relationships with natal females,ie your wives or a very accepting lady you have met along the way.My problem is a little different and I don’t think I’m alone but because I so strongly identify as a woman,it seems just natural to me to desire a man,problem being most men in a normal setting have expectations of what’s supposed to be between a woman’s legs,I don’t have that yet so it makes it difficult if not darn near impossible to find a relationship with a man that doesn’t start out feeling very strange about who I am and most can’t get past the fact that you aren’t really whole which adds more stress and anguish to my life,making me desire to have the surgery even more and more so I can feel normal and have normal.I know there must be men out there who can see past what I appear to be and see what I really am.I have searched in vain ,I know one but he is not available to me as he is already taken,I know this may seem pretty  insignificant to those of you who live in normal relationships but it’s a huge concern to me I’m getting up in my years and truly don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone,It seems like getting the surgery at this point is nearly out of reach or at best several years away,so this is something I could use some help with if any of you have any suggestions please pass them on to me. All answers will be graciously accepted.



5 thoughts on “The dilemma

  1. As soon as you can leave gender out of the equation and decide you are looking for a person male or female who you are attracted to then you are making progress,
    Really Shelle, is it your ego which thinks you should be with a man?
    Plus, if you find the right man…he shouldn’t care about your genetalia.
    We are of the same age…if I would wait for a store bought vagina to attract another person then all is lost.
    Unless you are sure you want to put all your eggs in the vagina basket, why would you rule out the female population?

  2. Cyrsti,thanks for your comment I appreciate you more than you know,I don’t think I could completely rule out a female partner,but I don’t really feel attracted to females for the most part,and again a traditional intimate relationship with a sexually active female might present me with some difficulty as well since my male parts are for the most part inactive.I’m sure there will be someone eventually who will fit the bill but looking in the normal old places isn’t as fruitful as it was back in the days before I began transitioning.

  3. when you focus on, or just believe, you will have what you really want – it has to come to you.
    i know this for sure and i also know how challenging that simple process can be. you may think your focus is on ‘a wonderful male partner’ but you wrote in your post, “so I can feel normal and have normal”. it’s possible your mind, or at least subconsciously, you’re focusing on being abnormal. therefore, that is what you receive, a feeling of not being normal.
    i can relate to it this way: when i lose 15 pounds, i will get the perfect man. or, when i make more money, i will be so much happier. my focus is really on how fat and poor i feel therefore the universe keeps providing exactly that! when i make an effort to love my extra 15 lbs, get dressed so i feel good anyway and go out with an intention of having fun, that’s when the magic happens. i’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s a simple law of cause & effect. so my suggestion to you is to know your perfect just as you are right this minute. maybe the operation comes sooner than you think, maybe not. either way, this is where you are now and it’s just right for your perfect mate. his soul will connect with your soul and what’s under the clothing will be irrelevant. so go out, be your amazing “normal” self and get the love you deserve!

  4. i share your dilemma Shelle. i too feel more woman than man and have desires to find a boyfriend. To remedy this, i ran an ad in Craiglist, specifying my exact situation and was really quite surprised by the number of replies i received. Obviously, some were not genuine or were not looking for a long term relationship but many were, on first appraisal, replies from people that seemed to meet my criteria. i replied to all of the people who responded to my ad and slowly, over time, came down to about a dozen or so that i felt i wanted to meet. i did meet 4 guys, i had 2 no shows and still have half a dozen who want to meet when it can be arranged. However, of the 4 guys that i met, one was really nice and we seem to be getting on fine and have met now on 3 separate occasions and something is slowly developing. So, my message is that there are men out there that will be sympathetic to your situation if you are bold enough to go out and look for them.

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