For a long time now I have suffered from insomnia or as some would call it sleep deprivation.
It wears you down day after day sapping from your ability to even function on any level,and begins after a while to effect your physical well being.
This is for sure a pattern I developed in my late teens having been exposed long term to combat in South East Asia. It did subside to some degree over the years after my return home but I don’t believe it ever went away fully.It manifested it’s self in varying degrees through out my life depending on my level of anxiety at any specific time,and certainly because of my condition of being transsexual that was a lot.
I was able to mostly keep it out of my life through long hours of hard physical labor and the copious consumption of alcohol and drugs.
Alas my health escaped me and my ways changed over the years ,so those things that helped me are gone now,I stopped doing drugs all together long ago and the drinking is now,down to very minimal levels.And so my sleeplessness is rearing it’s ugly head in a big way,also my my anxiety levels are very high now for a few years due to the loss of my wife to suicide,and compounded by the fact that I have no one really in my life for all this time,for me that is a suffering I really struggle with I am just one of those persons who desperately needs companionship,and not having it or being able to find it just makes me all the more anxious in life.And so the problem continues to magnify it’s self because I keep going over it all the time.
I have tried OTC medications and two different prescription drugs,but i’m thus far not getting much relief from my problem.The many changes in how I live my life now and how I lived it years ago have brought me to all this,the ultimate question is how do I fix it now.
In recent days I have struggled very hard with this,there are many root symptoms that are playing in to it right now that make things worse than they are most of the time,one it’s the dead of winter and cabin fever has set in in a big way this is pretty much something we all go through this time of year here on the prairie,secondly it’s been so darn cold that staying warm all day is a job in and of it’s self,those things alone are depressing enough.This along with being alone almost constantly something I despise in and of itself,my lack of ways to get worn out during the day physically,and I’m just to old to continue drinking myself to sleep without creating even more of a health hazard,anyway you get the picture radical change has really brought a lot of this on and now I have to relearn And make my body and mind relearn how to sleep.
I did in the last few days begin to notice it was so cold in my room that I was rolling up in a ball with my head under the covers and fighting to stay asleep my muscles began to ache in a couple of hours and that helped keep me up,so last night I added another comforter to the bed and found that being able to stretch out and relax helped a great deal,I have also noticed that I’m much more able to relax when I know my good friend is coming over to spend time with me.It’s a small thing maybe to most of you but it makes a big difference in my psyche and helps me.Having both of those components available to me last night resulted in a pretty good nights sleep.
While I can control being warm I cannot control being alone,so I have to figure out how to deal with the things I can’t be in control of,for that reason I have contacted my Dr. in hopes of finding a solution to help when I can’t control the things that stop me from sleeping.
The extreme Anxiety,
More to come when I get answers.