Cages,Boxes,and Freedom

Starting as a small child when I realized that I was really a girl and not what was listed on my birth certificate,I found myself feeling like I was caged up in a place with no one in the world to talk to about my fate or the thoughts that went through my mind everyday.The whole experience made crazy things go on in my youth and on into my teens,and then as an adult slowly I began to release shelle a little at a time sometimes with very bad consequences,like ending marriages because she was caught out of her cage at the most inappropriate times,I tried the best I could to keep her hidden from the world but it was sometimes just more than I could bear,she was the cause of substance abuse that plagued my life almost forever it seemed.It wasn’t until much later in life that I finally met and married a woman who herself had dealt with sexual issues and had engaged in a lesbian relationship,she was very tolerant with my wanting to be Shelle and actually encouraged it,It was then in my life that I escaped the cage, and found myself put in another place that society deemed appropriate,a box called transgendered,while at first I had a feeling of liberation in all this, even that began to eat away at my soul.It soon began to consume all I thought about from wanting to learn about it to spreading the knowledge I was amassing in the process.But still there were things that kept my life sad I wasn’t able to even share the fact that I was “transgendered” with any one not my friends or family so I began to slowly summon the courage to get out of the “box”.

This all culminated in telling my friends and family that I was Shelle and not the person they had always known in life,for the most part my fears of letting the world know were unfounded,almost to the person I was embraced and supported. now after all the years of pain I’m living as what I really am a woman,this new found freedom has nearly made me forget that I’m transgender at all I just live like the rest of the women in my family I do as they do and go with them shopping and find the same things to do as they do,finally I feel like I’m living in true” freedom”  in my life and I’m happier than I have ever been.

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One thought on “Cages,Boxes,and Freedom

  1. anhd i am happy for you too Shelle – your words carry so much meaning for all of us in a similar position and it is reassuring to know that you have at last found happiness.

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