Written on May 4th, 2012
She knew that an operation of this level was new. She also knew that an operation of this manner and intensity by Dr. Pevelar, also could have the following consequences!
This operation is so intense, that a person has a 70% chance of dying, during the procedure.
Her immediate concern was her love for her child! But she also had a responsibility to insure, that Marie knew about the possible consequences, of the operation.
She had to explain this to a teenager child, and pray to God, that Marie understood that, before making the final decision. And understand that what ever Marie’s decision was, she had to support as her Mother! But Murial was blessed enough to understand, that a human being has a right to feel complete, wanted, and accepted! Loved and happy with who they are, or die trying……………………Because a life of suffering and torture is not worth living.
So she explained over and over, the reality of things, and waited with baited breath for Marie’s response.
Marie, after much thought said this: Mommy, I love you and Daddy more than anything in the World. But, I have thought about this many times. The saddest part of this, Is that I can never explain to you, the pain in my heart and soul. Since shortly after I was born, I knew I was different! That I was a female! The most torturous part of this was the “Mirror” It didn’t lie! It was a reflection of who I was outside. I cried, I hated that image, I despised that reality! I hated myself, I hated God, I wanted to commit suicide so many times. Because of that image that wasn’t who I was!
Mommy, I know who I am on the inside. And if you can just once, for one moment believe that it is true! Then understand what I am about to say! An operation like this has never been done. Do I know what the consequences are, that I might die, the answer is yes. And, I am willing to take that chance !!!!
Could you imagine what the beauty would be? I would be as complete as ever could be achieved. Just to understand the ability to give birth was mine! Would be my peace! Just to know what it is like to menstruate, although many woman despise it, would be MY salvation! Just to feel closer the divine femininity in that manner would answer my prayers….
Please help me in my Journey and love me enough, I beg you! I am who I say I am. I must release myself from my own incarceration, within myself. At least let me try!
Muriel then with tears flowing said I love you my darling! LET’S PACK.
So they got airline tickets, and headed to Northern India, the next day, to see Dr. Pevelar.
Jamie lee contributor.